


Where There's No Sun

by JustGotThemSharpened



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Christmas Fluff, Family Issues, Felix dealing with Feelings(tm), Heavy Angst, M/M, Smoking, just Felix going thru a hard time, sylvain being a good supportive boyfriend, the angst is not sylvix related, with a LOT of hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:48:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28288704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustGotThemSharpened/pseuds/JustGotThemSharpened
Summary: Sylvain would know where Felix was; it was the blessing of being best friends with him, having grown up with him and being his closest confidant. He and Sylvain knew each other in a visceral manner, down to the space between their fingers: a perfect fit so their hands could interlock together.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 15
Kudos: 61





	Where There's No Sun

Felix noticed the call almost immediately - all their friends were present and accounted for. No one needed to call him for Christmas wishes when they were already in front of him.

He excused himself, phone vibrating in hand and heart beating out of his chest at the caller ID. Air. He needed air. And a cigarette.

As Felix fumbled in his coat pockets, trying to grab the crushed packet of cigarettes he always brought along no matter what, he noticed his fingers shaking, almost losing their hold on the blue lighter.

The cabin patio should have been empty; it was far too cold outside and everyone had shuffled into the house as soon as it started snowing. Relieved at the thought of privacy, Felix pushed the door open and made his way out, lighting up his cigarette when the cold air hit his overly warm cheeks. 

He wished to be alone, if only for one person.

Sylvain would know where Felix was; it was the blessing of being best friends with him, having grown up with him and being his closest confidant. He and Sylvain knew each other in a visceral manner, down to the space between their fingers: a perfect fit so their hands could interlock together.

“Thought I’d find you here,” Sylvain said, sliding the glass door to the cabin closed, both to keep the warmth inside and to have a little privacy between themselves. “You remembered to grab your cigarettes but forgot to take your coat?” Sylvain’s tone was exasperated but fond.

It washed over Felix in sweet, sweet relief, not realizing how much his heart had longed for his company.

Sylvain wrapped his coat around Felix’s frame, leaning against the patio’s railing next to him. Elbow to elbow, shoulder to shoulder.

“I knew you’d bring it to me,” Felix replied. Easily, as surely as he knew the sun would rise tomorrow morning and they would wake up tangled in each other, he knew Sylvain would come to make sure he was warm.

Felix nudged him until Sylvain raised his arm, snuggling against his side, the half smoked cigarette now limply resting between his fingers. Sylvain stole it to take a drag as he pressed Felix against him.

Felix didn’t smoke, not unless he was really stressed. The packet of red marlboro only got brought up from the darkness of Felix’s coat pocket when work stressed him, or he had gotten into it with either Dimitri or his dad. Sylvain waited patiently to see if Felix would confide in him. If he didn’t, Sylvain’d just hold him close until whatever it was that bothered him passed.

“My dad called.” Felix’s whisper was barely a breath, he longed for the cigarette currently in Sylvain’s hands. If Sylvain caught the look on Felix’s face tinged with sadness, he didn’t mention it.

It was an unsaid agreement to not talk about family, not when they’d spent enough time hanging around each other in their shared childhood to know how shitty their families were. Felix knew Sylvain still went to leave flowers on Miklan’s grave. Sylvain never asked him to come and Felix didn’t argue, only waited for him until he returned. Felix drove back once every two months to his hometown to visit his mother and brother’s graves. If he felt up for it, which was rarely, he accepted Rodrigue’s invite to come home. It was never more than an afternoon or evening, though, the chasm between them too big to be repaired.

“He did?” Felix wet his chapped lips, his face contorting into a grimace that displayed his pain for Sylvain and only Sylvain to see. “How is he?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t answer.” Felix’s shoulders sagged, compelling Sylvain to extinguish the cigarette on the rail to wrap his arms around him, squeezing him close as if he could keep the broken pieces of his heart together, wishing he could do it.

It was the kind of pain you saw on others and wished to fix - or perhaps ‘fix’ wasn’t the right word. You wished to take it for yourself, to lift the burden from their backs.

In the end, Sylvain was powerless. All he could do was watch as Felix tried to put himself back together piece by inexorable piece; until the cold exterior was back and the soft heart was in an impregnable fortress of his own making. They both knew Felix wasn’t as indestructible as he thought he was.

“Do you think it was wrong of me?” Felix’s voice was trembling. After all these years, he still hated himself for craving his father’s approval, his love, even just an ounce of his recognition. Sylvain could relate, he wasn’t anything but the golden heir for his family. Or, well, he used to be, before he burned that bridge to the ground.

A parent’s love really was something. A double edged sword - something you could have that made you feel the pressure of it, or something you didn’t have, that made you desperately crave and yearn for it.

Felix knew he could pretend he hated his father as much as he wanted, but he couldn’t deny his desire for his father’s love.

“Of course not.” A small squeeze of Sylvain’s arm around his shoulders, a kiss pressed into his hair, feather-light. “Just because someone's family doesn’t mean you owe them anything. Especially if they hurt you.”

Felix’s answering scoff raised a puff of condensed air from his red lips. “I know that.” Then, quietly, a little sadder, “I _know_ that.”

Sinking against Sylvain’s warmth, Felix fell silent, pondering on _what ifs_ and _if onlys_ , wasting time by humoring his broken heart’s desires. Felix had chosen his path, just as Rodrigue had chosen his own, long before Glenn’s death had impacted their lives.

“I just don’t understand why he keeps-” Felix let out a frustrated little noise, fingernails digging in the wood of the railing. “Why does he keep trying to reach out? He must know that I-”

A heavy admission sat on his tongue, the bitter truth Felix had kept inside himself for a very long time.

“That you?” Sylvain gently spurred, no judgement in his tone. There was never any judgement with Sylvain, it was unnerving how hard it was for Felix to get a rise out of him. He used to do his worst at the start of their relationship, picking up any kind of verbal weapon and throwing it at him to see what would make Sylvain finally snap and realize what a huge mistake it was, dating such a fuck up as Felix. Sylvain never rose to the bait.

“That I can’t forgive him.” The truth was out of his lips in a rush of breath. The heavy weight on his chest hadn’t disappeared, but it did lessen considerably.

“Okay.” Sylvain’s easy acceptance, his fingers carding through Felix’s hair dispelled his bad mood. “And you don’t have to.”

The lull in the conversation was comfortable; Felix enjoyed the warmth coming off of Sylvain’s body in waves as they both admired the winter wonderland that was Vermont this time of the year. The little cabin in the woods had been left to Sylvain by his grandparents. It was cozy, with a huge fireplace that Sylvain and Felix had enjoyed each other in front of more times than they could count.

Felix tentatively reached for Sylvain’s hand with his cold one. It was immediately clasped back in an attempt to warm him up.

No matter what, Felix would still have Sylvain, wouldn’t he? He watched his fiancé kissing his knuckles, a look of pure adoration and love in his eyes as he gazed down at Felix. He opened his palm, gently cupping Sylvain’s cheek and relishing how the redhead immediately leaned into the touch.

The openness and love in Sylvain's gaze would have made the Felix from the earlier days of their relationship evade Sylvain's eyes and run for the hills, scared of being undeserving of such a _good_ emotion. Current Felix, who had spent years working on his emotions and feelings, even if sometimes he still fell back on old habits, merely returned the look with one of his own.

Sylvain leaned in and Felix met him halfway, a song and dance often practiced between them turned into a fluid movement.

Felix remembered, in that exact moment, that not all family had to be related by blood.

**Author's Note:**

> If you stuck with me to the end: Thank you!!!  
> This was supposed to be part of the Sylvix Secret Santa, but I decided to keep this little nugget for other things and reworked it a bit :3  
> Huge thanks to Mel, for being a big source of support and betaing! Also to all my friends who convinced me to post it and to not give up on this 💙
> 
> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/hanzohoemada) | [promo post](https://twitter.com/hanzohoemada/status/1343240422538285059?s=20)


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